we are entrenched in a battle
If there's one thing I've learned this year it's that when a hurtful situation comes into your life, one that is beyond your power to control, your response is your most powerful defense. It's interesting how a personal struggle enables us to have insight into that type of a situation. Because I got an 'education' on the collapse of a marriage, I've had many people ask for my advice about the topic. My experience has not made me an expert on the subject by any means, but I've definitely gained one or two helpful gems by going through it. (And aren't the greatest revelations the 'simple' ones?)
The gem is this... Fight for your heart.
When faced with a personal attack, our human default mechanism is always self-protection first. Some reacting in anger, allow their hurt and emotion to get the better of them by lashing out. Others quickly erect a barrier around their heart to shut out hurt and protect self, promising themselves not to become vulnerable again. Something deep down inside goes quiet.
We are not in a bitter fight, we are aiming to keep our hearts soft. We are to be wise with our emotions, and put our faith in God. In our lifetimes, people will hurt us, so it should go without saying that we are to use some wisdom when choosing where to place our trust in the first place, and the speed at which we should give it to someone else. This can often eliminate a problem before it has a chance to start.
In my situation, my fight was not against him or things controlling him. It was not against myself with 'why did I make this decision in the first place?' It wasn't even against the devil necessarily. My fight was against becoming jaded. What do they say about a wounded animal? It in turn, wounds. This is what my fight was against. It was more than just fighting against the desire to crawl inside and fade away, or rise up as some hard, protected 'strong woman.' It was a conscious, daily, choice to tell the uncontrollable pain that it couldn't control me. It was about fighting to keep a tender heart... the kind that gave love as a response to hurt; refused to return anger for pain; and chose to pray for the one who was wronging me instead of becoming the woman who swears off men resolved that they are 'all alike.' This is essentially how I could wholeheartedly believe for reconciliation until the end.
This is our battle... The balance of not allowing a jaded world (or individual) to harden us, while not becoming such a harbor to ourselves that the 'real us' begins to disappear. Paradoxically, it's about fortifying our heart, while keeping it pliable. Guarding ourselves while remaining vulnerable.
This is ultimately how you weather a life-altering situation and walk away without regrets. You didn't end up full of hate.
You kept your heart pure.
And that's what you needed to do.
The gem is this... Fight for your heart.
When faced with a personal attack, our human default mechanism is always self-protection first. Some reacting in anger, allow their hurt and emotion to get the better of them by lashing out. Others quickly erect a barrier around their heart to shut out hurt and protect self, promising themselves not to become vulnerable again. Something deep down inside goes quiet.
We are not in a bitter fight, we are aiming to keep our hearts soft. We are to be wise with our emotions, and put our faith in God. In our lifetimes, people will hurt us, so it should go without saying that we are to use some wisdom when choosing where to place our trust in the first place, and the speed at which we should give it to someone else. This can often eliminate a problem before it has a chance to start.
In my situation, my fight was not against him or things controlling him. It was not against myself with 'why did I make this decision in the first place?' It wasn't even against the devil necessarily. My fight was against becoming jaded. What do they say about a wounded animal? It in turn, wounds. This is what my fight was against. It was more than just fighting against the desire to crawl inside and fade away, or rise up as some hard, protected 'strong woman.' It was a conscious, daily, choice to tell the uncontrollable pain that it couldn't control me. It was about fighting to keep a tender heart... the kind that gave love as a response to hurt; refused to return anger for pain; and chose to pray for the one who was wronging me instead of becoming the woman who swears off men resolved that they are 'all alike.' This is essentially how I could wholeheartedly believe for reconciliation until the end.
This is our battle... The balance of not allowing a jaded world (or individual) to harden us, while not becoming such a harbor to ourselves that the 'real us' begins to disappear. Paradoxically, it's about fortifying our heart, while keeping it pliable. Guarding ourselves while remaining vulnerable.
This is ultimately how you weather a life-altering situation and walk away without regrets. You didn't end up full of hate.
You kept your heart pure.
And that's what you needed to do.
posted by Amber | 7:33 PM
5 Comments:
Amber...thanks for your brillant words. After fighting with M last night...I decided to turn off my emotions. To stop feeling. To stop talking. Then I read your post and I realize that I need to fight to protect my heart...instead of letting it get hardened. Thanks, Amber for letting me read your words. They mean so much to me.
awww berz...i don't know if you realize just how perfect your timing is. thanks for helping my heart today.
Hey Amber. I read a few things on your blog. I also read about how you had the testicular fortitude to introduce yourself to a guy at a grocery store parking lot.
Amber, you ROCK.
Let me just say this, if there was an award for "Modern Woman for 2005", you'd win it. I know for a fact that I speak for MANY guys who would LOVE a girl like yourself that doesn't play games or bullshit around when it comes to meeting guys. I mean, "Guys like the chase" is not always true. Even if it were, some of us want to know that it IS ok to chase, and not be arrested for harassment. Doesn't that make sense?
You should be a role model for the modern woman's dating scene.
Anyway, hats off to you, and cheers mate!
Marybeth said it first--brilliant. You ought to take this and polish it up a bit and start sending it out to various magazines. I'm sure it would be gobbled up immediately. Thank you for sharing it.
Amber, re:your cry for help--what women's magazines do you read? First step would be identify your market. Second step would be find out the writers' guidelines. Third step would be send me your email address if you would like to discuss in depth.
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