The good, the bad, and the really ugly
Cathartic. Healing. Restoration. Peace.
It's amazing how just reading or hearing a word can evoke feeling in one's mind. I was thinking today about how Scripture says "Life and Death are in the power of the tongue." Sometimes we take too lightly the things we say.
I had an incident about 2 weeks ago that reminded me, in a big way, of the power of words. I hadn't been in a shouting match in over a year. In fact, up until the recent encounter I'm referring to actually took place, I can't remember the last serious argument I was in.
When you're not careful in a fight, there can come a point in the conversation where you say something you shouldn't. We've probably all been on both sides of a painful word or accusation before, and it's not fun. The second those dreaded words escaped my lips, the look I saw on the other person's face caused me immediate caution, when it should have caused me immediate remorse. To be perfectly honest, in that moment I knew I shouldn't have said what I did - it was a direct hit - but I wasn't sorry.
The feeling of regret struck some hours later. And THAT bothered me.
There is a line in a song I love by Barry and Michelle Patterson. They refer to how they want to be "The first one to repent." I want to be that person.
When I was a little girl, I wasn't bossy, I just always thought I was right. I guess as we get older, some things change, and others stay the same. One thing that has always been the same with me, is the overuse of commas. Clearly. Another is a love of movie quoting. These two examples are just part of who I am, and are basically okay just the way they are. It's the ugly things that seem so much harder to grow out of.
When discussing this very argument later that day with my mom, she made an interesting observation. She gently told me that as a child I suffered from the inability to admit when I was wrong. Me!? NO! (I'll admit it, even when I was really small, I would know I was wrong; my mind would be screaming at me to just admit it, or just apologize and I still wouldn't. Ah, the joys of childhood). I hope this has gotten better. If my recent verbal battle and subsequent remorse are any gauge of my heart in the 'quickly repenting' category, I've got something to work on. Or should I say, something MORE to work on.
It's been said that confession brings healing. I had lunch with our sales rep for the local ABC affiliate recently and she shared something that meant a lot to me. Although she sells TV time to advertisers, her heart's desire, and natural gifting lies in therapy. Counseling. We were discussing our personal hang-ups and things we're working through on our respective journeys and she said this. "It's good to recognize the process." In so many words, as long as we see something in our life, even if we don't know HOW (quite yet) to be different, we can make an effort to change. It's good to know where we're at in the process of working through something. We can take these things to the Lord. Sometimes He sovereignly moves, and other times we must move toward Him. Either way - it's growth and progress.
Now I'm not going to say any change is easy. Who likes to admit when they've messed up? For me, it's all about quicker turn around. I want to be sincere, honest, quick to forgive, and the first one to repent.
Cathartic. Healing. Restoration. Peace. That's what these honest admissions of my own 'ugly' have been for me.
It's amazing how just reading or hearing a word can evoke feeling in one's mind. I was thinking today about how Scripture says "Life and Death are in the power of the tongue." Sometimes we take too lightly the things we say.
I had an incident about 2 weeks ago that reminded me, in a big way, of the power of words. I hadn't been in a shouting match in over a year. In fact, up until the recent encounter I'm referring to actually took place, I can't remember the last serious argument I was in.
When you're not careful in a fight, there can come a point in the conversation where you say something you shouldn't. We've probably all been on both sides of a painful word or accusation before, and it's not fun. The second those dreaded words escaped my lips, the look I saw on the other person's face caused me immediate caution, when it should have caused me immediate remorse. To be perfectly honest, in that moment I knew I shouldn't have said what I did - it was a direct hit - but I wasn't sorry.
The feeling of regret struck some hours later. And THAT bothered me.
There is a line in a song I love by Barry and Michelle Patterson. They refer to how they want to be "The first one to repent." I want to be that person.
When I was a little girl, I wasn't bossy, I just always thought I was right. I guess as we get older, some things change, and others stay the same. One thing that has always been the same with me, is the overuse of commas. Clearly. Another is a love of movie quoting. These two examples are just part of who I am, and are basically okay just the way they are. It's the ugly things that seem so much harder to grow out of.
When discussing this very argument later that day with my mom, she made an interesting observation. She gently told me that as a child I suffered from the inability to admit when I was wrong. Me!? NO! (I'll admit it, even when I was really small, I would know I was wrong; my mind would be screaming at me to just admit it, or just apologize and I still wouldn't. Ah, the joys of childhood). I hope this has gotten better. If my recent verbal battle and subsequent remorse are any gauge of my heart in the 'quickly repenting' category, I've got something to work on. Or should I say, something MORE to work on.
It's been said that confession brings healing. I had lunch with our sales rep for the local ABC affiliate recently and she shared something that meant a lot to me. Although she sells TV time to advertisers, her heart's desire, and natural gifting lies in therapy. Counseling. We were discussing our personal hang-ups and things we're working through on our respective journeys and she said this. "It's good to recognize the process." In so many words, as long as we see something in our life, even if we don't know HOW (quite yet) to be different, we can make an effort to change. It's good to know where we're at in the process of working through something. We can take these things to the Lord. Sometimes He sovereignly moves, and other times we must move toward Him. Either way - it's growth and progress.
Now I'm not going to say any change is easy. Who likes to admit when they've messed up? For me, it's all about quicker turn around. I want to be sincere, honest, quick to forgive, and the first one to repent.
Cathartic. Healing. Restoration. Peace. That's what these honest admissions of my own 'ugly' have been for me.
posted by Amber | 8:34 PM
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